Ye Olde Inn

Today we were playing some TT role playing. Saga: the Game to be specific but that is not the point. What I observed today could have happened in many game systems, but it happened at my game table.

So the adventurers have to get into a tomb, there are guards waiting for them thinking they are hiding but botching their stealth checks. Cool, I know what is coming, my NPC's are toast.
So instead of sneaking up on them an taking the surprise attack what does our band of intrepid adventurers do? Well the wizard uses his talisman of zombie control to send 7 zombies down to the enemy with the specific instructions to grope the enemy, grab their butts and grundles.

I freaking lost it. It is lucky I wasn't drinking when the wizard player told me that wild plan.
I laughed so hard.

Sex offender zombies. so wrong....

That is hilarious. My story isn't funny, but I have an Uncle named Hasel, he is the luckiest person I know and he is nearly perfect at everything he does. Bowling, pool, horseshoes, you name it, he's naturally great at everything. Now, I don't know how that can transfer to table top gaming, but somehow when we played D&D, he rolled natural 20's almost every time he rolled one. I mean the lowest would be a 16, damage was the same way. He was a azz kicking D&D machine. As a player we loved playing with him, but being a DM sucked. It never mattered how many monsters, traps or whatever opposition there was, he hardly got a scratch and killed everything. We would roll up to a castle or dungeon all quiet, trying to sneak in, and here would come my Uncle, kicking in the door, yelling, "We're here to chew rawhide and kick azz, and we're all out of rawhide". Of course every monster in the dungeon would here this, come running to the entrance only to be cut down at the door as they funneled out. He drove DM's crazy. Same way with HQ. He rolled all skulls mostly when attacking or all shields when defending. I believe he could solo any of the basic 14 quests without any problems. Uncle Hasel was and still is a tabletop bad azz. Playing any game with him is truly a spectacle.

Decipher,

You need to stop letting your uncle bring his own dice to game sessions

Cynthia. Apart from almost crying because you were laughing too hard... How did that play out ?
Would have been interesting to describe the guards freaking out and running away when they realised the zombies weren't after their brains!

This actually does make sense. Most mens' brains reside in their penises.

I feel awkwardly aroused and I fear I can't watch The Walking Dead the same way now.

Now imagine uncle Hasel rolling d20 to do the grabbing in Cythia's game

I tell ya, I've seen Uncle Hasel destroy entire dungeons full of monsters in one game session. Didn't matter what level we or the monsters were, what kind of monsters, he was ruthless as a fighter or barbarian. He probably could have played as a Magic User or Thief and still decimated a dungeon. Once, we were outside the door of a dragon's lair, which was a "good guy" NPC, we were like level 3 or 4, the dragon was a level 20. What did my uncle do? Kicked the door in, walked over to the dragon, slapped it on the nose and demanded it give us whatever information we needed at the time or my uncle was going to kill it. He probably could have pulled it off too, he was nuts.

Okay, enough about my uncle, I have already wreck this thread as it is.

Players get the weirdest ideas

This happened at a LAN party. After breakfast we decided to take it easy with a casual game of HQ.
I made a quick quest and the players made some fresh heroes.

During the game the Elf had gotten away from the party and was in a pretty bad shape.
He ended up in a room with a goblin, 1 BP and not being able to attack it. Pretty bad even if it was just a goblin.
He asks me if it's okay to do some RP'ing. Sure, why not.
...
-I'll let the goblin rape me!
-Uhmm... what?
-I pull down my pants and invite the goblin to fraggle me.

Bewildered, but still wanting to know where this plan is going, I roll with it.

-Okay, the goblin is freakin' your ass. What now?
-Nothing. That's it. I end my turn here.

Turned out he didn't have a plan besides being fraggled by a goblin.
After a couple of rounds he pushed the goblin away, failed to kill it and was promptly killed himself.
No songs of glory were sung for that hero...

Yeah, and WHO was it?
The freakin' ELF!
Dontsayididntitoldyasoitoldyaso.

Lemmeron wrote:Decipher,

You need to stop letting your uncle bring his own dice to game sessions

Cynthia. Apart from almost crying because you were laughing too hard... How did that play out ?
Would have been interesting to describe the guards freaking out and running away when they realised the zombies weren't after their brains!

So the scene is in a graveyard that has zombies that have collars on them. These collars keep the zombies from eating people and there are these folks known as the Dead keepers who are basically morticians. Well the wizard happens to be a card carrying Dead keeper. Well the party needs to access the graveyard to do a bit of grave robbing so they cook up a plan to go to the graveyard with a fake dead guy wrapped up and ready to bury. The wizard being a dead keeper isn't going to be questioned to closely by the local grave master. When they get to the graveyard and talk with the grave keeper he hands the wizard a talisman for the graveyards zombies, so the party can bury their dead friend and make the zombies do the work. After all that is what they are for, on top of making it an inhospitable place for grave-robbers.
So anyways....
The evil Lady Dinsmeil has her men on watch for the heroes who are sure to come to the grave as the artifact "The Staff of the Clouds" is in the family tomb of Hester the Jester (my NPC). Lady Dinsmeil wants that staff, it controls the weather...The heroes must get the staff and bring it to the master of all druids, The Gardener of the Grove.

So back to the zombies...
As the zombies go down into the area with the guards, the guards are not too worried at first as the zombies have the collars on. Well of course a zombie starts to molest a guard and the guard starts to scream and freak out. This brought the other 2 hidden guards out and the group of them start to panic as they are sexually assaulted by the zombies. We now have 4 human soldiers defending themselves from the ill desired advances of overly amorous zombies. 6 Hobbit zombies and a human zombie, just to help with the visual. Well during the ensuing melee one of the zombies gets its collar knocked off... Oh crap moment!!!! Of course this zombie bites one of the guards, who in turn bites one of the other guards...
So we end up with the last surviving guard climbed up on top of one of the large mausoleums fending off 4 free ranging zombies. While that guard is up on top of the monument, the heroes sneak into the family mausoleum of Hester the Jester.