by The Admiral » June 18th, 2021, 6:50 am
Quest 2: The storyline flows well.
Room B in the top left corner needs a door.
Quest 3: The storyline flows well.
No problems here, but I changed one tiny thing to suit my own taste. I moved the Alchemist's Bench in room C one space to the right. I don't like rooms where there's no access to some parts of it.
Quest 4: The storyline flows well and everything looks fine.
Quest 5: The storyline flows well. Little side quest to find an artefact.
My main problem with this is the artefact itself. I know it has knockback, but I don't think that is a great feature when you consider that for the loss of a shield you only get 2 attack dice, or 3 against the undead. I would take a longsword/Shield or Battleaxe over this any day. So I would never use it. I would consider increasing its attack stats to 3/4. I would also add the undead to the knockback. I would also consider that knocked back monsters trigger traps/fall down pits. The monsters don't normally trigger traps; that makes sense as they set them and know how to avoid them. However, in an uncontrolled knockback I don't think they would be able to avoid triggering them. This would also make the knockback ability more potent.
Quests 6 and 7 (Double Quest): The storyline flows well. Everything looks fine.
Quest 8: The storyline is confused in my opinion. It is described as a spying mission even though, as we discover in the next quest, no specific information is found. But it is then described as a mission to get an artefact. Some reason for finding the 'Eye of Rimif' would be nice. Also, can it be used or kept, and if so what are its abilities? I have it that the Fimirs are guarding this artefact for the Chaos leader who is encountered at the end of Quest 14. I allow the Wizard to use it for the duration of the questpack, but he then must return it. It is a chaos artefact and there is therefore some danger in using it.
Eye of Rimif This dark mystical jewel contains many powers of chaos. Be wary of its use. The Eye contains the 12 Game system Chaos Spells. Each may be used once, but they never replenish. It may only be used by the Wizard. Before casting a spell the Wizard must roll 2d6. If the total is more than 3 higher than the Wizard's current Mind Points Zargon may cast the spell instead.
My Intro:
After a short break from the action, but barely enough time for your wounds to heal from the battle at Dungnar, you have been sent to infiltrate the Fort of the Fimirs in order to find the Chaos Artefact the Eye of Rimif. This powerful jewel must not fall into the hands of a more powerful force. The Dwarf and Elf (and 1 Troop) are to sneak in the back door while the Barbarian, the Wizard and some troops distract a majority of the evil at the fort entrance.
While I really like the concept going on here, I really believe that the Barbarian and Wizard will be overwhelmed unless they are phenomenally powerful characters. What Ogre stats are you using, because if it's the 10BP version this would really be insane. I would suggest removing the four Ogres, regardless of their stats. This would still be difficult, but doable I think.
Quest 9: The intro seems odd as no information was gathered? Certainly nothing about the furtherance of the story or the Chaos Armour. And again there is no real reason given for its retrieval. Even a brief note about keeping this powerful artefact out of your enemies hands for the coming battles etc. would be useful. I have the following intro:
After retrieving the Eye of Rimif from Fort Fimir the Empire has now requested that you obtain another chaos artefact in order to stop it being used against us in the coming conflict. It is the mystical Armour of the Chaos Warrior. Know that all that have looked for this armour have never been heard from again.
Armour of the Chaos Warrior This armour works in the same way as Platemail, but the two extra defence dice it provides also defend on a Black Shield. If both those extra dice are rolled as Black Shields they negate two skulls as normal, but both dice must be rolled again. If both dice are again Black Shields the Hero turns to chaos and is now controlled by Zargon until their death. If resurrected by magic or an Elixir of Life the Hero is no longer evil.
Again I would allow the armour to remain in the Heroes' possession until the end of the questpack.
Quest 10: This all looks fine.
Quest 11: The Chaos Sorcerer in room C needs stats and spells. I would call this quest just 'War' rather than 'War 1' This means you can give the final 3 climatic battles more interesting titles.
Quest 12 and 13: I think these need more interesting titles and stories. The climax of Quest 13 is a fight against a Chaos Sorcerer, but he is unamed and has no stats or spells. How about something like the following:
Quest 12 - Across the Chasm
It seems the war is being coordinated by a powerful Chaos Champion called A. He is being assisted by his Chaos Warlock named B. You must first destroy B before attempting to defeat A. B resides deep inside his stronghold which lies across a deep chasm. You must fight your way over the bridge and into the fortress. Prepare well my Heroes for a great battle awaits.
Quest 13 - Onward and downward
Intro is fine as written.
Quest 14 - Quest is fine. I would title it 'A's last Stand' or 'Time to End This War' or something else?
I would put this sentence before the current intro: 'It is now time to finish this war by defeating A.'
I would title A as a Chaos Champion as you have already fought a Warlock in the last quest. His stats and spells are fine as it is.
What if A doesn't get a chance to cast his Escape spell? There needs to be some mechanism whereby he always escapes.
Well that's it. I think this is a really great questpack with a number of different and interesting situations. Please don't take the above as any criticism, it is just my ideas and observations. Feel free to use any of it or not as you see fit.
