Need some help

[Hendar23]

So I finished reading through the first quest pack and I like a lot of the changes you made, such as the introduction to Melar's Maze as well as the additional body points to the bosses, and all the added monsters to the final battle with the Witch Lord.

Aside from the few errors noted in my previous post, everything else seemed in accordance with the quest book.
I do have a question about Quest 4, however: there's a note at the bottom specifying Gulthor is an unpredictable follower of Tzeentch... who or what is that?

There's also 2 slight continuity errors (not yours) that you could fix:
1.) At the end of quest 14 you leave the note that all surviving heroes are awarded the title of "Champion" by the Emperor. The error here is that the Emperor is already out leading his forces against Morcar and then retreating to Karak Varn... he doesn't have the time to bestow such an honor onto the heroes. The whole point of going after the Witch Lord is to prevent an attack from the rear.
This is why, again, I'd suggest adding the Trial somewhere in the middle, possibly between Quests 7 and 8 (as there are 14 quests, right in the middle sounds right). It IS an official quest, and it would make more sense why the Emperor would send his Champions out to defeat Balur and have them retrieve the Star of the West.

2.) There may be a continuity error in the Epilogue, when it's revealed that the Witch Lord is still alive, itcsays he retreated to Black Fire Mountain... as this is one of the very few regions noted in Hero Quest (I believe this is also where the heroes fought and killed Balur). Yet in Return of the Witch Lord, the setting is moved to Kalos. So unless Kalos is a fallen city under Black Fire Mountain, there seems to be an error.

Hmmm I'll have a look into those continuity errors. Don't want to change to much or the temptation to rewite a lot of the fluff may become overwelming!

[wallydubbs]

I read through your compendium of Keller's Keep; and really liked the introductory passages, adding history and Lore to the Dwarves, such as Halls of Dwarven Kings.

I didn't find any major flaws, only a few minor ones:
1.) The Great Gate, you're missing note marker "C" in the quest notes. You have C marked on the map, and the description of the chestvabd gargoyle in the notes, but it's not marked as "C" in the notes.
2.) Marker "D" in the Spiral Passage is redundant.
3.) Halls of Dwarven Kings quest note "C", This Hero should take another of the remaining map tokens"... maybe I'm knit picking, but this seems a little wordy... either switch "another" with "one" or get rid of "of the remaining".
4.) Grin's Crag, marker "C" was originally at the start of the cliff, I don't know if this was intentional or not.
5.) Also in Grin's Crag, you're missing marker "D" in the quest map.
6.) You also made some additions to the Epilogue; if you're ok with constructive criticism, it seems like you're trying to go into stronger detail but you're not really finding the right words so it's not adding anything that wasn't said in the original so it gets wordy and confusing.
But I totally appreciate what you're going for.

[Pancho]

In quest 8 The Fire Mage, it says Gulthor instead of Balur in the stat box for this villain.

[wallydubbs]

In quest 8 The Fire Mage, it says Gulthor instead of Balur in the stat box for this villain.

Good catch, I must've just skipped right over that one.

[wallydubbs]

I finished reading over the Return of the Witch Lord section. Pretty good job, just a few errors:

1.) The introductory page, or message from Mentor/Prologue, you've got a typo in the 3rd sentence of the 2nd Paragraph, "It will 1ot be long before he has recovered from his imprisonment." Obviously should be "not".
2 other things I suggest changing in the introduction:
2nd Sentence of paragraph 2, "his power grows with the passing of each day", maybe change it to "each passing day"?
In the same paragraph, fourth sentence "Once his powers are fully awoken..." maybe use "Fully restored".
The introduction also notes that the Witch Lord left Borrak Tor to Kalos, this just further emphasizes the inconsistency with the Epilogue of Gathering Storm.
I do like the Emphasis you added on the three High Thrones of Kalos, making Kassandra and Skullmar more important.

2.) Quest 6 Halls of the Dead. You have no "D" marker in the quest notes. The note about the Spiral staircase is mingled into quest note "C".

3.) Quest 9 The Last Gate, you're missing the final door into the room with the Spiral staircase.

4.) Quest 10 Court of the Witch Lord, you have the Chaos Warlock symbol on the map, with the Marker "C" in front of him. Yet in the Quest Notes it says to use the Chaos Sorcerer as the Witch Lord and place him on the square marked "C". That would be 2 Chaos Sorcerers. I know what you meant, though.
Also have you thought of maybe adding "Reanimation" from the EQP into the Witch Lord's arsenal?
Another way to make the final boss much more difficult is to let Skullmar and Kassandra, if they escaped, to stand by the Witch Lord in the final battle.

[Hendar23]

I read through your compendium of Keller's Keep; and really liked the introductory passages, adding history and Lore to the Dwarves, such as Halls of Dwarven Kings.

I didn't find any major flaws, only a few minor ones:
1.) The Great Gate, you're missing note marker "C" in the quest notes. You have C marked on the map, and the description of the chestvabd gargoyle in the notes, but it's not marked as "C" in the notes.
2.) Marker "D" in the Spiral Passage is redundant.
3.) Halls of Dwarven Kings quest note "C", This Hero should take another of the remaining map tokens"... maybe I'm knit picking, but this seems a little wordy... either switch "another" with "one" or get rid of "of the remaining".
4.) Grin's Crag, marker "C" was originally at the start of the cliff, I don't know if this was intentional or not.
5.) Also in Grin's Crag, you're missing marker "D" in the quest map.
6.) You also made some additions to the Epilogue; if you're ok with constructive criticism, it seems like you're trying to go into stronger detail but you're not really finding the right words so it's not adding anything that wasn't said in the original so it gets wordy and confusing.
But I totally appreciate what you're going for.

Thanks so much for all the map corrections, That stuff is priceless! I've been doing a lot of this after work in the evenings when I'm tired and mistake creep in.

In regard to the fluff wrting, I have not added anything myself. What you are seeing is the differences between the EU and US versions. I have to think hard about whether I want to change the fluff significantly. We love this game, but lets face it the writing is at the level of a Saturday morning cartoon - passable to plain bad. To be fair, it was designed for ten year olds! My group reads the Quest description, but would not sit through a page or more of fantasy cliche. I'm scared if I start changing it I'll just want to re-write the whole thing, and that is beyond the scope of what I am doing. Plus I hardly flatter myself to be a great fantasy writer.

[Hendar23]

In quest 8 The Fire Mage, it says Gulthor instead of Balur in the stat box for this villain.

Oops! Thanks fixed it!

[Hendar23]

I finished reading over the Return of the Witch Lord section. Pretty good job, just a few errors:

1.) The introductory page, or message from Mentor/Prologue, you've got a typo in the 3rd sentence of the 2nd Paragraph, "It will 1ot be long before he has recovered from his imprisonment." Obviously should be "not".
2 other things I suggest changing in the introduction:
2nd Sentence of paragraph 2, "his power grows with the passing of each day", maybe change it to "each passing day"?
In the same paragraph, fourth sentence "Once his powers are fully awoken..." maybe use "Fully restored".
The introduction also notes that the Witch Lord left Borrak Tor to Kalos, this just further emphasizes the inconsistency with the Epilogue of Gathering Storm.
I do like the Emphasis you added on the three High Thrones of Kalos, making Kassandra and Skullmar more important.

2.) Quest 6 Halls of the Dead. You have no "D" marker in the quest notes. The note about the Spiral staircase is mingled into quest note "C".

3.) Quest 9 The Last Gate, you're missing the final door into the room with the Spiral staircase.

4.) Quest 10 Court of the Witch Lord, you have the Chaos Warlock symbol on the map, with the Marker "C" in front of him. Yet in the Quest Notes it says to use the Chaos Sorcerer as the Witch Lord and place him on the square marked "C". That would be 2 Chaos Sorcerers. I know what you meant, though.
Also have you thought of maybe adding "Reanimation" from the EQP into the Witch Lord's arsenal?
Another way to make the final boss much more difficult is to let Skullmar and Kassandra, if they escaped, to stand by the Witch Lord in the final battle.

Thanks again spotting the errors is a huge help. I can't take credit for the indroduction stuff, as is my last post that is from the EU version of the fluff.

I should have a new version out soon once I've finished switching the fonts the GAZE. I won't be using Aldine, it is a different size and would meen reformating all the text. Far too much work at this stage. Baskervile old face is close enough, and gorgeous.

[Pancho]

Hendar, I have some more unsolicited (but hopefully helpful) advice for you!

I think its great that you are going to include the other published quests. The good news is that there is the exact same number of one-off quests as there are expansions (8/8). This means that if you wanted to you could break up the long adventures with a quick single quest. I would do it like this;

Game System
Inn of Chaos
Kellar's Keep
Revenge of the Weather-man
Return of the Witch lord
The Halls of Durrag-Dol
Against the Ogre Horde
Running the Gauntlet
Wizards of Morcar
The Eyes of Chaos
Mage of the Mirror
A growl of Thunder
The Frozen Horror
Plague of Zombies
The Dark Company

Hopefully others will comment on the suitability of the above, but my line of reasoning goes something like this;
Kellar' Keep is an extremely urgent mission considering that the Emperor himself is trapped, so the only side mission before it that the Heroes are realistically likely to take on is if something happens to them on route to Karak Varn (i.e. an Inn along the roadside that has just been taken over).
The same is more or less true of the Witch Lord, he's been an urgent requirement ever since the Game System but the Heroes can avenge the Weather-Mage whilst they're on route to Kalos (the necromancer villain here could even be one of the Witch Lord's underlings).
Then there is a pause after all the urgent stuff has been sorted. Durrag-Dol should come now as its an easy quest (a bit too easy in my opinion) and won't be a challenge if left any later.
Running the Gauntlet could be a nice quest leading into the quite Wizard themed Wizards of Morcar (the Wand of Galimatias could even be the method that the Wizard gets the new WOM spells).
The Eyes of Chaos is a bit harder than some of the others, so it could come here. I wouldn't put it before Against the Ogre Horde because that would ruin the novelty of the new monster for that expansion.
A Growl of Thunder leads into The Frozen Horror; The FH's return provides a reason for the Barbarian to be back in his homeland and witness the orc attack on his tribe. Also, the special treasures in Growl of Thunder would tool up even a new Barbarian to adequately face the 3 solo quests in FH!!!
That leaves the Plague of Zombies, which is pretty difficult and should come quite late. Also, Plague of Zombies is set inside the Empire, like the Dark Company.

The only issue then is what to do with The Trial. You could add it in as an extra quest to the Game System, before the Heroes become a Champion as suggested by someone earlier, or you could save it as a special re-introduction quest for when there is a total party kill.

[Hendar23]

Hendar, I have some more unsolicited (but hopefully helpful) advice for you!

I think its great that you are going to include the other published quests. The good news is that there is the exact same number of one-off quests as there are expansions (8/8). This means that if you wanted to you could break up the long adventures with a quick single quest. I would do it like this;

Game System
Inn of Chaos
Kellar's Keep
Revenge of the Weather-man
Return of the Witch lord
The Halls of Durrag-Dol
Against the Ogre Horde
Running the Gauntlet
Wizards of Morcar
The Eyes of Chaos
Mage of the Mirror
A growl of Thunder
The Frozen Horror
Plague of Zombies
The Dark Company

Hopefully others will comment on the suitability of the above, but my line of reasoning goes something like this;
Kellar' Keep is an extremely urgent mission considering that the Emperor himself is trapped, so the only side mission before it that the Heroes are realistically likely to take on is if something happens to them on route to Karak Varn (i.e. an Inn along the roadside that has just been taken over).
The same is more or less true of the Witch Lord, he's been an urgent requirement ever since the Game System but the Heroes can avenge the Weather-Mage whilst they're on route to Kalos (the necromancer villain here could even be one of the Witch Lord's underlings).
Then there is a pause after all the urgent stuff has been sorted. Durrag-Dol should come now as its an easy quest (a bit too easy in my opinion) and won't be a challenge if left any later.
Running the Gauntlet could be a nice quest leading into the quite Wizard themed Wizards of Morcar (the Wand of Galimatias could even be the method that the Wizard gets the new WOM spells).
The Eyes of Chaos is a bit harder than some of the others, so it could come here. I wouldn't put it before Against the Ogre Horde because that would ruin the novelty of the new monster for that expansion.
A Growl of Thunder leads into The Frozen Horror; The FH's return provides a reason for the Barbarian to be back in his homeland and witness the orc attack on his tribe. Also, the special treasures in Growl of Thunder would tool up even a new Barbarian to adequately face the 3 solo quests in FH!!!
That leaves the Plague of Zombies, which is pretty difficult and should come quite late. Also, Plague of Zombies is set inside the Empire, like the Dark Company.

The only issue then is what to do with The Trial. You could add it in as an extra quest to the Game System, before the Heroes become a Champion as suggested by someone earlier, or you could save it as a special re-introduction quest for when there is a total party kill.

Thanks good idea but I think I'm just going to put them in the end as stand alones that people can sprinkle in when they feel like it. Of course I'll be releasing this a Word document so you can cut and paster them wherever you like too