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Re: Summons of the Wizards' Council - a work in progress

PostPosted: Sunday August 13th, 2017 2:18am
by knightkrawler
HALL OF ATHENEUM:
two instances of "who was sumccumbed to Chaos" need changing to "who has succcumbed..."

CHAOS LEVEL:
"The likes of Chaos found in his tower, only confirms..." sound very odd and the comma doesn't belong there. I'd change to "The outgrowths of Chaos now found in his tower only confirms...".
"who was succumbed" --> "who has succumbed"

I like where you're going with this.
It's not easy to come up with a quest, much less a series of quests, that fit the specific talents of the Wizard and are generally different.
They need to cater to a different style of playing and contain unusual mysteries and mechanics.
Well done, up to here, I'm looking forward to see the rest! |_P

Re: Summons of the Wizards' Council - a work in progress

PostPosted: Sunday August 13th, 2017 8:02am
by j_dean80
knightkrawler wrote:HALL OF ATHENEUM:
two instances of "who was sumccumbed to Chaos" need changing to "who has succcumbed..."

CHAOS LEVEL:
"The likes of Chaos found in his tower, only confirms..." sound very odd and the comma doesn't belong there. I'd change to "The outgrowths of Chaos now found in his tower only confirms...".
"who was succumbed" --> "who has succumbed"

I like where you're going with this.
It's not easy to come up with a quest, much less a series of quests, that fit the specific talents of the Wizard and are generally different.
They need to cater to a different style of playing and contain unusual mysteries and mechanics.
Well done, up to here, I'm looking forward to see the rest! |_P


Thanks for the help, will get the changes made and updated.

It definitely is not easy to find challenges for a Wizard. He has to be the most difficult. That is part of why I am re-using other Quests to mix with my new ones. That and the fact they seemed to just fit.

Re: Summons of the Wizards' Council - a work in progress

PostPosted: Sunday August 13th, 2017 8:15am
by knightkrawler
I made a mistake myself in my post avove:
it would have to be "confirm", not "confirms", if you make that change.
Or you put outgrowths in singular, but as we're talking Chaos here, its nature (diversity) is better shown in the plural.

When this is done, I'll very likely edit the whole pack for my own HQ - Heroes & Villains, if you don't mind.

Re: Summons of the Wizards' Council - a work in progress

PostPosted: Sunday August 13th, 2017 8:28am
by j_dean80
knightkrawler wrote:I made a mistake myself in my post avove:
it would have to be "confirm", not "confirms", if you make that change.
Or you put outgrowths in singular, but as we're talking Chaos here, its nature (diversity) is better shown in the plural.

When this is done, I'll very likely edit the whole pack for my own HQ - Heroes & Villains, if you don't mind.


Take...edit...change... It's here for people to enjoy and use in their own way.

Re: Summons of the Wizards' Council - a work in progress

PostPosted: Sunday August 13th, 2017 9:20am
by mitchiemasha
j_dean80 wrote:
mitchiemasha wrote:Running the Gauntlet. I'd remove the second 'while' and another paragraph has too many 'ands' init.


Running the Gauntlet I took word for word from the original version. I just added the first half of the first line. Can't bring myself to change a lot on an Unofficial Official Quest.


You added the first half of the first line? Is that the first Whilst? I'm 100% sure there's way to many 'ands' i guess the original writer didn't have the luxury of us helping. I'd change it regardless.

Re: Summons of the Wizards' Council - a work in progress

PostPosted: Sunday August 13th, 2017 9:51am
by j_dean80
mitchiemasha wrote:
j_dean80 wrote:
mitchiemasha wrote:Running the Gauntlet. I'd remove the second 'while' and another paragraph has too many 'ands' init.


Running the Gauntlet I took word for word from the original version. I just added the first half of the first line. Can't bring myself to change a lot on an Unofficial Official Quest.


You added the first half of the first line? Is that the first Whilst? I'm 100% sure there's way to many 'ands' i guess the original writer didn't have the luxury of us helping. I'd change it regardless.


Yeah, the first whilst should go, still thinking how to change it to sound good.
Running the Gauntlet is from the Dave Morris novel. I'm sure you know that, but for those who don't...

Re: Summons of the Wizards' Council - a work in progress

PostPosted: Sunday August 13th, 2017 5:00pm
by mitchiemasha
The Screaming Spectre and The Fellowship of the 4 are in my collection but I was oblivious to Running the Gauntlet being from there. It was only the other day i was reading them too... Completing the quest in Fellowship of the 4. Interesting use of a portrait picture.

Re: Summons of the Wizards' Council - a work in progress

PostPosted: Tuesday August 15th, 2017 9:35pm
by j_dean80
Quest 4 (A Lost Wizard):

Image

Re: Summons of the Wizards' Council - a work in progress

PostPosted: Tuesday August 15th, 2017 10:14pm
by j_dean80
mitchiemasha wrote:
j_dean80 wrote:
mitchiemasha wrote:Running the Gauntlet. I'd remove the second 'while' and another paragraph has too many 'ands' init.


Running the Gauntlet I took word for word from the original version. I just added the first half of the first line. Can't bring myself to change a lot on an Unofficial Official Quest.


You added the first half of the first line? Is that the first Whilst? I'm 100% sure there's way to many 'ands' i guess the original writer didn't have the luxury of us helping. I'd change it regardless.


Changed the beginning of Quest 1. Hope that works better.

Re: Summons of the Wizards' Council - a work in progress

PostPosted: Tuesday August 15th, 2017 10:21pm
by j_dean80
knightkrawler wrote:HALL OF ATHENEUM:
two instances of "who was sumccumbed to Chaos" need changing to "who has succcumbed..."

CHAOS LEVEL:
"The likes of Chaos found in his tower, only confirms..." sound very odd and the comma doesn't belong there. I'd change to "The outgrowths of Chaos now found in his tower only confirms...".
"who was succumbed" --> "who has succumbed"


updated